The Human Carrot
A funny wingsuit BASE story by Douggs with a serious message...
A few friends who made their New Year’s resolution to get in better shape asked if I had any advice. Here are ten top tips that work for me. Warning: you will never find these in any legitimate exercise program whatsoever…
Get the idea that 'working out can be fun' out of your head. It’s not, it sucks.
Being an insomniac is helpful. Sleep is overrated anyway. 4 hours is enough. More than 6 is a complete waste of time.
Just strong, black coffee that’s like injecting caffeine straight into your heart
If you don’t like coffee, learn to like it. Start every day with at least half a pot. Don’t add sugar or milk, and certainly no lattes or designer drinks. Just strong, black coffee that’s like injecting caffeine straight into your heart. It will jump start your day and clean out your system.
Join a gym, find a time to get there, and actually go to it. It’s too easy to cheat when you work out at home.
Get in and out of the gym before the sun comes up. (Hence the value of being an insomniac.)
Get the idea that “working out can be fun” out of your head. It’s not, it sucks. It’s a necessary evil. Walk into the gym with the goal of getting it over with as quickly as you can.
Don’t take time to catch your breath between exercises. It takes too long.
Whatever you do, don’t make any friends at the gym, don’t even speak to anyone. It takes too long.
Chug two big glasses of water before each meal. That way you’re full before you start eating.
At least 75% of what you eat should be something that grows in the earth.
Don’t eat late at night. Going to bed a little hungry will keep you from sleeping too well. You’ll wake up early and starving and should immediately replenish your system with at least half a pot of strong black coffee.
In summary: don’t sleep, don’t eat, drink lots of coffee, go the gym
Those are the facts as I know them, based on years of scientific research. Please share this with friends you think could benefit from it. For more solid advice with marginally proven results, please check out my book here
Disclaimer: These fitness tips may prove hazardous to health – use at your own discretion