HELP! – Our teammate’s girlfriend thinks she’s the coach!
Okay Roy, here’s the deal… We have a new team member joined this year, he’s working out brilliant… but his girlfriend isn’t! Firstly I noticed her influence when we were making decisions about where to go for our two overseas training camps. I didn’t see the relevance to our plans of access to the beach, or the type of accommodation but it’s now dawned on me that actually we’re going to the place that’s nicest for her whuffo holiday rather than the best for our training.
Anyway I could have lived with that if she would disappear to the beach. She does occasionally but most days she acts as though she’s part of the team. She comes to the debriefs, then watches our next dirtdives and follows us around like she’s a team member with an injury. Sometimes she makes suggestions and has even been known to disagree with the coach! (‘I think the swing move is better’.. go figure!)
Then she will come to rock meetings, team planning sessions etc. It started off seeming helpful as she would take notes and write things up – but now I feel like they are both on the team. In fact, it feels like she thinks she’s some kind of team manager.
I tried to talk to our new team member about this but it was very hard to get him away from her! He said she’s always been like this (it’s his fourth team). He said his other teams have liked it because she’s good at organizing, making decisions and arranging food. Of course there are advantages, like when she meets us with beer on the last load, or organizes a birthday present for the coach. But overall I wish she’d just do her own thing and leave us alone.
Love him – hate his girlfriend!
Any ideas? Thanks, all the best,
Nigel
Hi Nigel,
It sounds a bit like a ‘soap series’!
I understand your frustration and I believe the solution can be very easy. To solve this problem I suggest you to do the following:
It doesn’t have to be a problem if there is an extra person involved, just make things clear and simple, and keep the communication open
Sit together with the team but WITHOUT her, and everyone should give his opinion about it. Share your thoughts in which way you see her involvement inside the team, if any. When the majority doesn’t want her around, or involved in the team business, then everyone must respect this. What she has done in the past with other teams doesn’t matter, that is history. You guys chose him as your new team member and not her, unless his condition to join this team was that she has to be involved with certain kind of things. She cannot claim any position inside the team if the team is not in favor. In case she has to step back, it will take just a bit of balls from him to make her clear that from now on, this is the way it will go 😉
But let’s say that she can fulfil some role inside the team, even if it is something simple like bringing beer at the end of the day or paying the packers, taking care of manifest, which can be a great help. Just make clear agreements what she can do and what not to do. For example, I cannot imagine that anyone wants her to tell your coach his business, or that she tells you where to go to for a training camp. It is important that the team spirit stays as good as possible for obvious reasons.
I think that when both parties know exactly what her role is inside the team, and everyone respects this, the problem should be solved. Generally speaking, it doesn’t have to be a problem if there is an ‘extra’ person involved, if you just make things clear and simple, and keep the communication open.
Enjoy your training!
Roy
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