#How to help your mates when the shit hits the fan
In both my personal and professional life, never did I imagine I’d be writing an article like this for a magazine. But I feel very strongly that something has to be said; even if only to stimulate people’s thinking and chats over a beer.
For context, I am a skydiver and I am Michael Vaughan’s widow. In the non-skydiving part of my world, I’ve spent the last fifteen years working with businesses and helping managers to communicate with their staff, customers, and each other. It’s a passion for me, helping people to communicate with each other in a constructive way. One that will help them achieve what they want, and cope with change in their environments. Sometimes my work has included advising and handling, ‘crisis communications’; for example, how to handle communications should a fatality take place at an oil manufacturing plant.
##Tragedy
Most of you will know that a few months ago, the shit really hit the fan for me and Stu Gough (Alannah Clarke’s partner) when Alannah and Michael were both killed in a tragic accident.
I’m very aware of how far-reaching and deeply Michael’s death impacted people from the many hundreds of messages I’ve received. He was a special one. When a tragedy happens in our skydiving community, it’s raw, confronting, and horrid. But the reality is, the world keeps turning, and after a little while, life goes on. The tandems turn up at the drop zone, the fun jumpers get on another load, the tunnel keeps whirring away, and the police and APF cogs turn to work through the incident. The dust settles.
Since the accident I’ve been thinking a lot, observing, talking, listening, digesting, reading and of course, crying (obviously). There are many things that we can learn from this recent tragedy in Australia. One aspect that I’m feeling more passionate about than ever is: how we communicate with each other in the immediate aftermath of an incident.
##Crisis communication
When an accident happens, in skydiving or otherwise, communicating the right information to the right people becomes a time-critical, life-or-death task. In the case of Michael and Alannah’s accident, this was a task that a number of people bravely took on. Most were volunteers, stepping forward from their beautiful day of canopy flight to handle the situation unfolding in front of them.
The access to information that we all have today through our various mobile devices and the Internet is unprecedented; in both its immediacy and its power. In particular, social media platforms provide not just a source for us to obtain information but to broadcast it too, whether intentionally or unintentionally. And its reach is truly global.
I know that I would like to do my absolute personal best to prevent anyone from enduring any more distress or pain than they are already experiencing, if they were to be me in a future scenario
##Handling Media Correctly
The APF have done a great job of teaching our instructors how to handle an incident and the media. So how about the rest of us? It’s in this area that Stu and I would like to most (most, most, most!) humbly provide insight into our recent experiences, in the hope that we can all learn something. So, I’m talking about:
- What can we all learn from the way we all communicated with each other after this particular incident?
- What could we do better next time, should any of us be thrust into this situation again?
I know that I would like to do my absolute personal best to prevent anyone from enduring any more distress or pain than they are already experiencing, if they were to be me in a future scenario. So although this is a potentially emotive topic, I hope that you will all accept my words in the spirit in which they are offered… to share and learn – certainly not for any egotistical need to induce further sympathy or pity from anyone. Heaven knows, so many of you have already expressed and shown me so much love these last three months.
#Typical Reactions
Let’s look at a few typical reactions that we might have after an incident… ‘Something’ has happened and you think a friend of yours is injured. Things you might choose to do could be:
1. Posting statements or questions on your friend’s Facebook page.
2. Posting statements or questions on your friend’s partner’s Facebook page or sending them messages, texts etc.
3. Sharing information, which you have seen/heard/obtained from people at the scene of the accident with others via texts, Facebook, messenger services, Whatsapp, etc.
Will these actions help or hinder?
#Stop and Think
Here’s a view from inside the storm and some questions to consider:
Reaction 1: Posting statements or questions on your friend’s Facebook page
Question: When a friend/loved one is a skydiver and is involved in a serious accident, will they be checking/answering/looking at Facebook?
Let’s be honest, probably not. If they have the capacity to do anything, they will be trying to get a message to their nearest and dearest that they are ok, through whatever channels they normally use.
So, if we post something on their Facebook page, such as: “Oh no it can’t be true!” “Are you ok mate?” “What’s going on?” … we are pretty much walking into the living room of their mum/dad/aunt/spouse/best friend/cousin/anyone who knows them, plus the media, with an enormous blinking neon sign and a loud hailer saying, “Your son/husband/nephew/friend might have been really badly injured, even dead, but I don’t know anything about it, or have any other information for you about when, how, or where they might be.”
The potential lesson here?
This action doesn’t help anyone. In fact, in the case of Michael’s accident, it hurt a lot of people whom he loved. It created panic and a spread of misinformation. It also fed information to the media.
###Reaction 2: Posting statements or questions on your friend’s partner’s Facebook page or sending them messages, texts, etc
Question: When your friend’s loved one is a skydiver and is involved in a serious accident, will your friend be checking/answering/looking at Facebook?
From our experience, they are not going to be looking at Facebook. Stu shared with me that for the first 24 hours, from his side, he was busy managing the accident site, handing over Chief Instructor duties, speaking to Alannah’s and his own family, dealing with police and trying to avoid intrusive media people. Not once in that first 24 hours did he check Facebook or voice messages on his phone.
Your friend’s partner – if they know anything yet – is in a highly stressful situation and needs to be able to use their phone to establish contact with emergency services, immediate family, make travel arrangements, etc. Don’t expect them to respond to you unless you are a very close mate. If they do respond, you’ll know they need you.
The consequences of contacting this person in a publicly visible forum like Facebook are exactly the same as the first example, above. But now you’ve entered another family/friend circle with that loud hailer and neon sign.
The potential lesson here?
This activity doesn’t help. In the case of Michael’s accident, I’m willing to share with you all that it caused me and my immediate family and friends a lot of distress.
##Reaction 3: Sharing information that you have seen/heard/obtained from people at the scene of the accident, via any communication channel
This one’s the kicker, everyone… Passing on information from an incident when you are not performing a role in the incident is extremely dangerous as it becomes uncontrolled.
Question: Why do you need to share this information? Are you authorised to share this information? Is the information already public knowledge or not?
Here are a few examples of how damaging this action can be:
- As I waited to board a plane in Sydney, desperate to get to Michael’s side, and having just spoken to the surgeon standing next to him in the operating theatre, an experienced skydiver working in the industry in a different state tried to tell me over the phone that Michael was dead.
- In the meantime, another individual in a senior role, also in a different State, announced Michael’s death via group email (bizarrely including Michael and myself in the email too).
Now, I am an atheist, but I prayed for an hour solid whilst flying from Sydney to Coolangatta that night. When I landed, I didn’t know if he had survived that hour or not. As I turned my phone on to establish a call with the hospital, I started receiving an avalanche of communications from people sending me condolences.
The people mentioned above felt they knew the facts because information had been passed on to them from others. Neither of them were at the scene, nor performing any role in the handling of the incident (then or since), nor even in the same state. The onwards spreading of the misinformation that took place created immense distress to me, Michael’s family, my family and many of his/our close friends – who are located all over the world and in different time zones.
If you were badly injured or killed in an accident, how would you want the information to reach your partner, your parents, your sister or brother, cousin, or your mates?
The potential lesson here?
This action can really hurt people unnecessarily when incorrect information gets out. Furthermore, it can rob people of the opportunity to inform their family and friends of a death when it does happen.
(BTW I’m desperately trying to find a way to tell you these stories honestly, but sensitively, in a way that helps people to understand what can happen but without any bitterness, blame, or judgement on my part.)
#Postive Communication Reactions
I’m sure we can all spot the themes here. So what can we all learn from what has happened? I had a chat with Stu about this and here are a few things that you could choose to do in various scenarios…
##If you…
##1, Believe that your friend may be involved in an accident
- Take a breath, STOP and think: how is the best way to get hold of this person? In particular, if I choose to communicate on a public social forum, what repercussions might that have?
- Call your friend by phone. If this fails, text them. Try to establish communications with them directly, one-to-one. If they are ok, they will answer. If they are not ok, be prepared for the fact that they won’t answer.
- Physically go to your friend’s house/the drop zone/where you believe they are. When you get there, find out who’s in charge. If you’re up to it, volunteer to help.
- Otherwise, wait for news from official channels. This means the police, an APF Area Safety Officer or the APF office… or if you are in their inner circle, from their partner, parent, sibling, etc.
It’s really hard but the main things you might need to do in this situation are to wait and be patient.
##If you…
##2, Know the spouse of a person involved in an accident
(I mean really know them, as in, you are in their inner circle of 3-5 closest friends):
Same as above….
- Call them and find out where they are, and ask what you can do to help.
- Physically get to them if you can because they will be out of their mind with worry and panic, and potentially, grief. They will need your practical/physical help, a ride to the airport maybe, cash, a toothbrush, clothes. They will neither see nor care about a message you’ve sent them via Facebook. (A friend of Stu’s flew down from Mission Beach because Stu didn’t answer his phone! What a champ.)
##If you…
3, Know an accident has taken place and you want to find out information about who, what, why, where
- Take a breath, STOP and think: why do I need this information? What am I going to do with it? Are there other people who should receive this information before me?
- Question yourself: if I choose to communicate on a public social forum, what implications would that have?
- Wait ten minutes to consider the consequences, then take your chosen action (if any).
- Wait for information. If you can’t get any info through private channels then you are far enough removed that you can wait for official reports to come out.
##If you…
4, Know a fatal accident has taken place and you feel you want to share information about it with other people:
- Take a breath, STOP and think: are you performing a role on behalf of the APF, the drop zone or the police/emergency services? If not, you need to think carefully about who you share information with, how you share it, and what the repercussions may be, such as media leaks, incorrect information reaching families.
#If you…
5, Are at the drop zone when an accident takes place:
- Let your loved ones know you are ok! If you must use Facebook, just a simple, “I’m ok” on your status is all you need. Better still, make a non-sensational post such as ‘going to dinner with friends’, which tells your family/friends you are okay but doesn’t fan the rumor mill.
- Stay close to the police, your Chief Instructor, and other instructors who will direct you to available support if you need it… or,
- Talk to a close friend or family member
What this all comes back to for me, is the view that the only people who are really qualified to announce a death, via social media or otherwise, are the deceased person’s immediate family, or the police. That’s my personal opinion. I respect that you will all have your own. I also respect that everyone has a right to grieve, however they choose to do so, and that the human need for comfort from others is a powerful natural response. After Michael died, it was lovely to scroll through the photos and stories about him that people shared on the Facebook memorial page. It was even more lovely to personally receive a card, letter or email from people; that contact brought me a lot of comfort in the initial period afterwards.
I think I’ve said more than enough. Before I go, please take a moment to think, and consider this: if you were badly injured or killed in an accident, how would you want the information to reach your partner, your parents, your sister or brother, cousin, mates…?
I hope you will accept my thoughts on this topic with my very best intentions. Please continue to look out for each other, on the ground and up in the beautiful blue room.
Please, please be kind to each other.
###Author’s Notes:
The content of this article is in no way intended to infer that any person who was on site at the accident on 27 March took part in any improper action, nor intentionally spread misinformation. The author acknowledges that in the contextual examples above, individuals may have believed they were acting on correct information, and did so without any intended malice.
I will never forget, nor be more grateful, to the man who took on the task of calling me to tell me that an accident had taken place. David Gerraty, you brave soul. I’m forever in your debt.
Kate Vaughan
Article originally published in Australian Skydiver Magazine, ASM
